Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson
by lovechele1
Summary: She just wants to be remembered.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note: Hello everyone! I've deleted this story and written it again because it wasn't quite working with me. Please keep in mind I'm a very busy person, so updates might not be too frequent. I'll try my best though. Please read and review. Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson: Chapter 1**

November 1st 2023

 _Emotion: an effective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness._

He's sitting in the same faded plastic chair he's been occupying for months, but today's different. He's with her when she takes her last breath. He watches her gasp for air. He watches her eyelids close. He watches her body settle.

They've talked about it, this moment, for the past couple months. All the talking in the world couldn't have prepared him for it though. He's told her he loves her more times than he can count tonight, and he's sure if Rachel had the strength to speak, she'd be saying it too. If you were to ask Finn Hudson how he was feeling, what he was feeling- you'd earn no response. Truth is he didn't know how to feel, what to feel.

She's been getting weaker and weaker as the days pass by. She tries to hide it from him, but he watches her shakily try to pick up her glass out of the corner of his eye.

Somehow she knew. She knew that today would be her last day. They've sat together all morning, holding onto each other so tightly he felt as if he would break her.

"Can't do any worse damage," Rachel tries to joke.

He tries to smile but it comes out as a grimace. He loosens his grip on her waist but she assures him it's fine, holding onto her like that.

His other hand rests on her shoulder, just above her her collarbone. Just months ago long brown hair rested on that shoulder.

He moves his hand to her pale, slender arm and traces small patterns. Just months ago these arms were tan and muscular.

He takes her chin with his finger and looks into her cloudy, tired eyes. Just months ago those eyes were full of life, full of promises.

A lot can change in the span of a couple months.

It wasn't supposed to end this way, though. They had a two-year-old daughter at home. She didn't understand. Didn't understand what was happening to her mom. It broke Finn's heart. They had planned on having lots more children. They wanted Ellie to grow up with siblings. Just months ago they'd been talking about moving to New Jersey and buying a house with a yard. A yard for kids to run around in. A lot can change in the span of a couple months.

He's with her now though, and that's all that matters. He glances down at her face and smiles. Her body had changed drastically. Her eyes had sunken in and her cheekbones hallowed. She was still beautiful; she was always beautiful.

Her eyes start to close and her breathing becomes hitched. He's finally aware of the tears pooling in his eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment.

"Let go, baby," he whispers and he clutches her hand.

"I love you Finn," she chokes out.

"I'm forever yours, Rach."

"Faithfully."

Her eyes shut and her body relaxes. He isn't aware of the finality of it all until the heart monitor beeps, echoing throughout the room.

* * *

 _Author's note: This story isn't just sad, there will be multiple time jumps that show their life years before this._


	2. Chapter 2

**Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson: Chapter 2**

November 1st 2024

 _Acceptance: an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound._

He wakes up to a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring at him.

"Daddy?" Ellie whispers.

Without warning Finn grabs his daughter off of his lap and swings her up over his head, slinging her over his back. She giggles and pounds on his back.

"Down, daddy, down," Ellie giggles.

Finn smiles and lowers his daughter back onto his bed, hugging her close to his body. He looks into her eyes and can't help but smile.

Being a single father raising a three-year-old was the second hardest thing he's done. The first was losing Rachel. His eyes glance over to the calendar hanging by the bathroom door and he lets out a soft sigh. He looks past all the written events, doctors' appointments and preschool functions, and focuses his gaze on today's date. He absentmindedly runs his free hand through his hair and sinks back into the pillows.

"Why you sad daddy?" Ellie asks him with a pout.

He lets out a soft smile as he looks at Ellie. She's a carbon copy of Rachel. From her wavy brown hair all the way down to her bright chocolate eyes. Even her facial expressions match Rachel's to a tee.

He lifts himself out of bed and picks Ellie up by her arms.

"I'm not sad, baby girl," he responds.

At that Ellie crosses her arms over her chest and looks at Finn with a stern glance.

"You sad, daddy." She says.

"Maybe daddy's a little sad," he says as he strokes her hair.

He sits her on the countertop as he pulls the cereal out of the pantry, keeping one eye on Ellie to make sure she doesn't fall.

"Which bowl, baby?" he asks as he hold up two bowls, both decorated with different Disney characters.

Ellie strokes her hand on her chin and scrunches her forehead in concentration. She lifts her hand and points to the bowl in his left hand, the one containing Belle, her favorite princess. Finn nods and pours her cereal as she watches.

"What are we doing today, daddy?" Ellie question between bites of cheerios.

"I was thinking we could go visit mommy," Finn says slowly, watching Ellie's facial expressions.

She blinks a few times before looking up at Finn. "You mean talk to her?" Ellie questions.

Finn nods, "You can tell her about preschool and how you love to sing, baby," Finn encourages.

She loves talking to Rachel. Telling Ellie that her mom wouldn't be coming home again was heartbreaking. She didn't quite understand what was happening at the time, but days later when she kept asking for her mom she put two-and-two together.

Getting to a point in his life where he was truly happy took time. It took time to heal, time put put the pieces back together. He managed, slowly and surely with the help of his and Rachel's family.

The first couple months were the hardest. He went through the angry stage first. He remembers the day Kurt was bringing Ellie home and walked into his apartment to find glass plates shattered on the floor. Kurt kept Ellie that night.

He finally accepted it when he scared Ellie. He was in the bathroom washing his face when he spotted a bottle of Rachel's favorite perfume sitting on the counter. He failed to see Ellie in his doorway and picked the bottle up and pounded it against the door frame. He scared Ellie so bad that she wouldn't let him touch her the whole night. He felt like such an ass.

Ellie was his saving grace. The perfect mixture of him and Rachel. She kept him grounded, kept him living. In a way it was like Rachel left a part of herself with him.

He feels a tug at his hand and looks down to see his daughter wearing her shoes on the wrong feet.

"I'm ready daddy," she exclaims.

Finn shakes his head, smiling, and sets Ellie down on the floor so he can fix her shoes. He grabs a brush off the counter and carefully runs it through her hair, careful not to tug too hard on the knots. Kurt taught him how to untangle her hair without hurting her. He helped him a lot when it came to raising a girl.

When her hair is brushed out and shoes are on the right feet he picks her up and walks out the door of their apartment, double checking to make sure he locked it.

* * *

They're the only people there when they arrive. It's a beautiful day, not too cold. The sun is shining and he can hear the wind whistling as it dances through the tree braches. He takes Ellie's hand and guides her along a dirt path he knows like the back of his hand. The trail leads them to Rachel's tombstone. He uses his free hand to run his fingers across the engraving.

 _Rachel Hudson_

 _1994-2023_

 _Mother, wife, daughter, friend_

"Do you want to go first, baby?" Finn asks his daughter.

Ellie nods nods and places a small pink flower she picked out to the side of the tombstone. "Hi mommy. I'm three years old now, daddy says I a big girl. Daddy showed me videos of you when you sing. You have a very pretty voice. I want to sing too, mommy. I like it a lot. I want to be like you, mommy. Daddy says I am. He says I have your actitude."

"Attitude, baby," Finn interrupts with a smile.

Ellie smiles and continues, "Me and daddy have lots of fun. We like to watch movies. My favorite is Belle. Daddy says I look like her. He says I look like you. You are very pretty, mommy. I love you and I miss you."

Ellie nods as if she agrees with what she said and turns to him, "Your turn, daddy."

Finn takes a shaky breath and begins," I never stop thinking about you, Rach. I couldn't ever forget about you. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are. Ellie and I, we're living. I stopped living after you left, Rach. It scared my family, scared Ellie. I promised you I'd never stop living. I miss you. We all miss you. Ellie started preschool this year and loves it. She's gotten so big, and everyday she acts more and more like you. She's dramatic and caring and musical. You'd be so proud of her. I've started showing her videos of us singing in high school. She loves them. Just yesterday I caught her singing 'Don't Rain on my Parade' to herself. I finally feel like I'm making a difference in kids' lives, Rach. I'm the school's band director now. The kids really look up to me. I finally feel like I'm making something of myself. If you were here, you'd be on Broadway; I know it."

He has to stop to control his tears before he begins again. "I miss you so much, babe. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good dad to Ellie. You were an amazing mom and it's hard filling in your role, but I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. I love you so much, Rach. I'll always love you. I'm forever yours, love."

* * *

They stay there for an hour or so, lying on a picnic blanket and watching the clouds. People come and go but they sit there. He watches people of all ages walking down the same path. He watches the place flowers on graves. He always wonders what stories these people hold. He notices people walking by giving him sympathetic looks. He hates that. It makes him feel like they don't believe he's a good enough dad to his daughter.

Finn looks over his shoulder and notices that Ellie's asleep, so he packs up their things and wraps his arm under her body. She stirs and snuggles into his shoulder.

"Say bye to mommy, baby," Finn whispers.

"Bye momma, love you," Ellie responds tiredly.

* * *

He's sitting in the living room after just have putting Ellie down for her nap. He's trying to sort out sheet music when he hears the doorbell ring. He lays the music in neat piles and gets up slowly to open the door. He turns the handle and opens the door, revealing a confused looking mailman. He hands Finn a pink box decorated in gold stars. Finn takes it and quickly shuts the door, resting against it for a second. He looks down at the box and his heart stops. Written on top of the box in neat, curvy handwriting is: _Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson._

* * *

He's been staring at the box for the past ten minutes. It looks like a shoebox, only it's made of plastic. It's a light shade of pink with gold stars painted on the outside. He slowly reaches his hand out to the box, running his fingers along the words. He unclasps the lid and his heart speeds up. In the box there are dozens pink envelopes, addressed to a variety of different people. A gold sheet of paper catches his attention and he pulls it out, scanning it with his eyes.

 _Finn,_

 _If you're reading this, then I'm dead. Sorry that was a really blunt way of putting it, but it's the truth. I had this great idea, Finn, when I first found out I was sick. I wanted to write a letter to everyone important to me before I die. I'm sorry for leaving you. I would tell you more, but if you look inside the box you'll see a letter addressed to you. Do me a favor, Finn, and deliver all of these letters for me. It would make me really happy. Oh, and Finn, don't give Ellie's to her until she turns thirteen._

 _Love always,_

 _Rachel Hudson_

* * *

 **Author's note: and so it begins**


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: I really hope you enjoy this chapter because it was fun to write._

* * *

 **Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson: Chapter 3**

December 24th 2020

 _Joy: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires_

He struggles trying to fit Rachel's suitcase into the back of Kurt's car. He's tried everything. After years of playing Tetris you would think he could figure it out by now. He looks at the car and pulls all the suitcases out, ready to start over. He looks at the piles of luggage and notices that Rachel packed three bags. Finn doesn't understand why she needed so much, they were only going to be gone for the weekend.

Him, Rachel, Kurt and Blaine are taking a trip to Lima to spend Christmas together with their families. His mom had called him earlier that week claiming that she never sees her kids anymore. After both of her boys were married, she referred to everyone as her own. Rachel and Carole had always that that sort of connection. It started way back when they were sixteen. He supposes it's because she never had a mom, but Carole was quick to fill in that role.

He leaves the suitcase hanging out of the trunk and makes his way up to his and Rachel's apartment. He pauses in the doorway and watches Rachel stand straight, one hand clutching her stomach and the other one white-knuckling the countertop. "Rach, babe are you okay?" He asks as he rushes to her side.

Upon hearing his voice, she detaches her hand from her stomach and puts a smile on her face. "I'm fine Finn, my breakfast wasn't agreeing with me," she says calmly.

He's about to make a comment on how she didn't eat breakfast, but she cuts him off and makes her way out the door. He follows her and they run into Kurt and Blaine in the hallway.

"Are we all ready!" Rachel says, excitement laced in her words.

* * *

They're only halfway into the car ride and Finn feels like he's dying. He argued that he should sit in the passenger seat because he's the tallest and it obviously makes sense, but Kurt claimed his hair needed room to breathe. He's pretty sure the warm air isn't reaching the back of the car and he can feel his fingers turning blue. He looks down at Rachel. She's asleep against his arm and her face is squished up on his jacket. He lets out a soft chuckle and runs his fingers through her hair.

* * *

They stop for a quick lunch at some sleazy fast-food restaurant just off the highway. Upon pulling into the drive through Finn notices Rachel crinkle her nose and turn her head away from the rolled down window. "What do you want, babe," he asks.

She just shakes her head and says, "I'm still full from breakfast."

He's about to say something but she turns her back to him and snuggles into the pillow she brought along for the ride.

* * *

An hour later Finn notices Rachel sitting stiffly with her eyes clamped shut. He goes to grab her hand and her eyes shoot open.

"Blaine stop the car," she demands.

"We're almost there Rach, why do you need to stop?" He asks as he looks at her through the mirror.

"Blaine I'm going to get sick and I strongly suggest you pull the damn car over if you don't want it to smell like a zoo in here," she says as she clutches her stomach.

Blaine turns onto a back road sharply and Rachel opens the door before he's even parked.

Finn jumps out with her and rubs her back. "Rach are you sure you're okay? We can stop by a doctor-."

"I'm fine Finn." She says, trying to sound convincing.

* * *

They finally make it to Finn and Kurt's old house and Rachel jumps out of the car as soon as they pull into the driveway. Burt and Carole come out to greet them all and Carole notices Rachel immediately.

"Rachel, honey, what's wrong?" Carole asks as she rubs the girl's back.

"I'm fine Carole, just a little carsick is all." Rachel says as she straightens herself out.

Carole gives her a questioning look and then leads the group inside.

* * *

They're all sat down around the dinner table, deep in conversation about Finn's job, Rachel's voice lessons, and Kurt and Blaine's surrogate when Mr. Berry speaks up.

"Rachel, star, you haven't touched your wine," he says sounding concerned.

"My stomach's still uneasy from the car ride," Rachel responds, "It'll be fine by tomorrow morning," she says as she spoons green beans into her mouth.

He doesn't notice the way his mom's eyes light up at their conversation.

* * *

He's lying in bed watching Rachel comb out her hair when he notices her double checking one of her suitcases. "You didn't forget anything, did you?" He asks.

Rachel turns around and shakes her head softly.

"You know one day we'll have kids and Christmas will be crazy," he smiles

Rachel offers him a small smile and says, "Yeah, I suppose it will be."

* * *

He wakes up the next morning to Rachel stroking his cheek with her finger. "Merry Christmas baby," she whispers.

He smiles and presses a soft kiss to her lips. "Merry Christmas darling," he responds.

They're interrupted by a knocking at their door and Finn shuffles out of bed to answer it. He opens it to find Kurt standing there with a look of excitement in his eyes. "Come on guys, it's time to open presents," Kurt says eagerly.

"Gosh you would almost think we're six," Finn chuckles.

Kurt just glares at Finn and follows Blaine down the stairs. Finn grabs Rachel's hand and pulls her to the living room, excitement building with every step.

* * *

They're all sitting around the tree, admiring their new gifts when Finn notices Rachel grabbing a present hidden in the very back.

"Who's that one for?" Kurt asks as he tries to peer at the name tag on it.

"It's for Finn," she replies, "I think he'll really like it.

He notices his mom grab the camera and he scrunches his face in confusion. Rachel's already given him a ton of new stuff. He got clothes, and new record player, and books, so he wasn't sure what else she could have gotten him. She sets the present in his lap and encourages him to open it up. He unwraps it slowly and realizes that it's a shirt. He pulls it out of the box and holds it up to read it.

"World's best dad?" He questions. His eyes widen at what he just read and he throws the shirt down and picks Rachel up.

"Rach, are you serious- is this- oh my god- we're having a baby?" He chokes out.

"We're having a baby," she smiles as tears run down her cheeks.

* * *

 _Finchel baby :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note: I just wanted to let you all know that from now on every other chapter will be one of Rachel's letters. You will know a chapter is a letter because it will not have a date at the top. I hope you all enjoy; please read and review!_

 **Letters from a dying Rachel Hudson: Chapter 4**

Finn,

I haven't told you this yet, but today the doctor told me I have less than a month left. I don't want to tell you because then it will become real, the fact that I, Rachel Hudson am dying. It wasn't supposed to end like this Finn. We were supposed to have five babies and buy that house in New Jersey, the one with the red door and big backyard. A lot was supposed to happen Finn, but I guess fate has other plans for me, for us. We were supposed to grow old together, Finn.

If this cancer has given me anything, its given me time to think. I know you try to be here with me when you can, but you have Ellie to take care of and a job. It all requires your time, Finn. When you're not here, and I'm left with my thoughts, I think about the future. Your future. Ellie's future. Do me a favor Finn and tell her what I was like. I don't want her to grow up not knowing what her mother was like. Maybe you could tell her about how I loved to sing. You could even show her some old videos of us back in high school. When she's old enough, you could tell her the story of how we fell in love. I'm sure she would love to hear it. You should tell her that even though I never got to preform on Broadway, I loved the life I lived. Tell her that teaching other kids how to sing made me happy. I want you to tell her that I was happy, with my life that is. I barely got any time to tell her how much I love her. You have to tell her every night that I love her to the moon and back, Finn. I won't get to watch her grow up or get to see her on her wedding day. It hurts Finn, it really hurts. You have to promise me you'll be there for her. I don't want her to forget who I am. Maybe you could even show her the star you named.

I'm watching the Today Show right now, Finn. Do you remember the day? The day you woke me up extra early and dragged me down to stand outside of the Today Show in the freezing cold. I remember it. I remember how you kneeled down on your knee during the show and asked me to be your wife. I remember how they caught it on camera for the whole world to see. I'm scared you're going to forget these memories, Finn, when I'm gone. I hope you don't. I want you to remember the times we danced around the kitchen together, forgetting about the dinner cooking on the stove. I want you to remember all the times you had to carry me home from restaurants, Finn. You were right. Those heels always made my feet hurt. I want you to remember all the happy times, but I want you to remember the sad ones too. Like the countless times I was rejected from Broadway, or that time your school closed down. I want you to remember everything, Finn.

I don't want you and Ellie to live alone for the rest of your lives, Finn. I want you to meet another woman. One who loves you and loves Ellie too. I want her to love your family, Finn. You don't have to talk to her about me, but maybe you could tell her I once existed, so she knows you used to love someone else. I don't know, that might be selfish of me, but I just would want her to know that you were mine once, before I left. This is what I'm worried about, Finn. That Ellie's going to forget about me and call this other woman her mom. Please tell Ellie that I used to be her mom, before that other woman was.

You were my first, last, and only love. You saved me, Finn Hudson. I remember the first time we kissed in high school. I remember how I felt the first time you looked at me, acknowledged me. I died on the days you didn't notice me and I lived for the days you would flash me a smile. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I've ever done. You're the one person who gets me, gets my crazy. You're the person I call when I'm feeling down. You're the person who can always make me feel better. You're the person who buys me flowers whenever you get the chance just to make me happy. You're my person, Finn Hudson.

I want you to know that I'll always be with you. I'll always be rooting for you. I'm not sure how this whole thing works, but I know if you ever feel lonely you can look up to the star you named. I know you didn't name it after me because I'm already a star, but just know I'm always with you. I plan on watching over you and Ellie. I'm not sure if that's possible, though, but I'll try my hardest. I just don't want you to feel alone.

Most importantly, Finn, I want you to know how much I love you. I still remember our wedding day and how I cried during my vows. It's kind of what's happening right now. I want you to know that even when I'm gone, I'll never, ever stop loving you, Finn. I know that you'll always love me, even if you end up extending your love to someone else. I'm worried that when I leave, the tether's going to break. Does that sound dumb? I just don't want you to ever stop loving me, because I'll never stop loving you, Finn. I've known I loved you ever since our first kiss in the auditorium. Do you remember that? It was the first time you took my breath away, Finn. I hope in my lifetime, you felt as loved by me as I felt loved by you. I have to go now, Finn. Out of all the things I want you to remember, I want you to remember how much I love you, and always will.

Forever Yours,

Rachel Hudson


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: For some reason I couldn't write this chapter to sound the way I wanted it to. Sorry!_

* * *

 **Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson: Chapter 5**

June 22nd 2021

 _Elation: joyfulness or exaltation of spirit, as from success, pleasure, or relief; high spirits_

Everyone told him to expect mood swings, insane hormones, and late night food runs. Sure he was woken up about twice a week to go grab strawberry popsicles from the market on the corner and sometimes Rachel locked him out of their bedroom for no reason, but it wasn't too bad. He loved this side of Rachel. The side of her with a round belly, full cheeks and all.

He loved the little moments associated with pregnancy. Like walking into the apartment and seeing Rachel singing to the baby or feeling the baby kick. It still amazes him how they created this thing, this life. He knew from the day Rachel told him she was pregnant that he would do anything for this baby. He often imagined what she would be like. If she would grow up to be like her mom or if she would love sports. He just wants her to do what she loves.

He's sitting on the couch next to Rachel watching some chick flick she bought at the store yesterday. He's not paying attention, though. His class had been assigned to read "Eleanor and Park" this week so he was catching up. He looks up for a moment to see Rachel absentmindedly flipping through their baby name book. They'd been in an argument about what to name the baby for what seems like months now.

"I don't see what's wrong with the name Barbara, Finn," Rachel sighs as she rubs her swollen belly.

"I've already told you, Rach," he sighs, "I don't want her to be named after some Broadway thing and I want her name to be unique. I want it to be her own person."

He watches as Rachel gets up off the couch and slowly makes her way into the bathroom. He gets up to follow her but she shuts the door in his face before he can get inside.

"Rach, babe come out. I didn't mean to make you mad. I just don't want to name our daughter Barbara," Finn sighs as he rests his head against the door.

He lifts his head when he hears the lock turn and door open.

"I'm not mad, Finn. My water just broke." Rachel says frantically.

* * *

He spends the majority of the car ride to the hospital watching Rachel and making sure she's okay. He clenches his jaw when he hears Rachel start to cry. He takes a hand and places it on her thigh, his fingers tracing random patterns.

"It'll be okay, Rach," he tries to say calmly.

She gives him a weak smile and goes back to running her hands up and down her belly.

* * *

Two hours later and Rachel's only two centimeters dilated. The nurse told them that they didn't need to come in this soon but Finn definitely didn't want to risk having to deliver the baby on his own in their apartment. He's seen the documentaries.

* * *

The nurse removes her gloves and wheels her chair out from between Rachel's legs.

"Looks like you're about six centimeters, honey, we'll check back in in about an hour or so," she says as she walks out the door.

Rachel groans and lets her head fall back onto the pillow. He watches her scrunch her face and pain and he reaches out to grab her hand. She turns to face him and gives him a stern glance. "Do not touch me, Finn Hudson. You put me in this position and because of you I'm going to have to push a baby gifted with your giant genes out of a hole the size of a gold ball."

He turns to look at Kurt and Blaine stifling laughter and crosses his arms over his chest.

* * *

After eight hours of labor she's ready to push. The doctors are lined up and ready but Rachel turns to him with a scared look on her face. "Finn I don't think I can do this," she says breathing rapidly.

He takes her hand in his and smiles reassuringly. "Rachel, babe you can do this. Just think, in a couple minutes we'll get to meet our little girl," he encourages.

"Alight, I'm ready," she nods.

* * *

He's sitting in bed with Rachel watching his daughter sleep. He doesn't know how to describe this feeling, this feeling of success, relief. He feels everything. As he looks down at his little girl grasping Rachel's finger with hers he feels pure love.

"We still don't have a name yet," Rachel says as she strokes their baby's head.

"Well my class just finished reading this book about a girl named Eleanor and I think it's a really pretty name. And we could call her Ellie for short. I even looked it up on this baby name website and it means shining light. It would be perfect because you're like a star you know and this baby is a product of you." Finn reasons. He looks at Rachel expectantly as she runs her hands up and down their daughter's arms.

"Eleanor," Rachel repeats, "I love it."

* * *

Carole's the first person to cry when they let everyone in to visit Rachel and the baby. She runs over to Rachel's bed and Rachel passes the little girl over to her. Finn stands up and sways anxiously on his feet.

"Looks like someone's afraid of the baby dropping," Kurt chuckles.

At that Carole looks up and says, "Finn I've been a nurse longer than you've been alive. I know how to handle a baby."

Finn roles his eyes and slumps against the wall. He watches as Carole sits next to Rachel on the bed and he watches how Rachel's dads' eyes light as the baby is passed to them. He can't help but feel emotional at their family. After everything, every false wedding they're been through, they've managed to make it to this point. He turns his head away and focuses on Kurt and Rachel's conversation. They're talking about how Kurt and Blaine's daughter Ava and Ellie were destined to be best friends. He smiles and shakes his head.

"What's this little one's name?" Carole questions as she rocks the baby back and forth.

"Eleanor. Eleanor Carole Hudson." Rachel smiles.

* * *

He's sitting in the plush chair to the side of Rachel's hospital bed holding Ellie in his arms. Rachel had fallen asleep hours earlier as soon as everyone left. He's rocking Ellie back and forth as she looks into his eyes. He takes a minute to really look at her. Her hair was thick, dark, and brown, much like Rachel's. To Rachel's relief she had inherited Finn's nose. The most striking of her facial features were her bright blue eyes; they mesmerized him every time she looked at him. "Hey Ellie, I'm Finn and I'm your dad if you didn't already know. I love you so much, I've loved you since the day your mom told me we were having you. We're a team now, you me and your mom. I have to warn you because your mom is really obsessed with this thing called Broadway. You'll learn what that is pretty soon. She tried to tell me that you were going to grow up to be a singer. I want you to do whatever makes me happy. I don't care if you like singing or dancing or reading or sports. Although, it would be pretty cool if you liked sports. I'm not trying to pressure you or anything though. I'll always support you whatever you chose to do. As long as it's legal of course."

He hears a laugh and he turns to see that Rachel is awake.

"She's not even a week old yet and you're talking to her about the law," Rachel giggles.

"I just want her to know that it's probably illegal to be blackmailed by fake pot," Finn grins.

* * *

 _Author's note: The upcoming chapters are my favorite._


	6. Chapter 6

**Letters from a Dying Rachel Hudson**

Kurt,

I just wanted to start out this letter telling you that I'm currently writing it wearing those designer silk pajamas you gave me last week. Hopefully that makes you proud because I'd so much rather be wearing one of Finn's old football tee shirts. That's not the point of this letter though. I'm going to be straight forward with you, Kurt, because that's what our friendship is like. We don't hide things from each other. Kurt, I'm dying. I can feel it happening. Everyday I wake up I feel like another part of my body isn't there. Does that make any sense? It probably doesn't to you because you've never died before. My whole body hurts. I can't tell Finn, though. Every time I wince he's by my side, asking if there's anything he can do to ease my pain. This is really hard on him, Kurt. I know he tries to act strong for me, but he's allowed to cry sometimes. He tries not to when he's with me. I was crying because I wasn't allowed to see Ellie. It really sucks that she's not old enough, Kurt. I haven't held her in two months. I was crying because I missed her, I'm allowed to miss her, Kurt, she's my daughter. Finn hates seeing me cry. He broke down in front of me. He wouldn't let go of me the rest of the night. Almost like he was trying to prevent my soul from leaving my body. He's not that powerful, Kurt.

I can't tell this to Finn, but I'm so scared. I'm scared to die, Kurt. I'm scared to know what it's going to feel like. I'm scared to leave my whole life behind. I'm scared that Ellie's going to love some other woman more than she loves me. Don't tell Finn that, Kurt, I don't want him to feel bad. Promise me you'll help Finn take care of her. I know you have Ava to take care of, but I think Finn's going to need all the help he can get. Help Ellie when she grows older. Help her with her fashion, because I know you would rather die (too soon?) then let her walk out of the house wearing an outfit Finn put together. I have to admit something, Kurt. I lied to you. I didn't throw away all of Finn's puffy vests when you asked me to. I lied and said I did, but I think he should be able to wear whatever he wants. I like the way he looks in them. I think that was a pretty dumb confession, but I just had to get it off my chest.

I really want you to know how much I appreciate you. I want you to know that I knew you were special from the day I first met you. You were the first person to put up with all of my craziness. You were able to look past my diva attitude and befriend me. I'll never be able to thank you enough for your friendship, Kurt. I still remember high school, when all we did was compete for solos. A lot has changed since then, Kurt. I remember when when we first moved into our tiny shoebox apartment. All those times I cried about Finn, you were there to comfort me. Promise me you'll do that for Finn. I'm really mad at myself. Before things started to get bad I thought believing the cancer would go away would actually cause it to disappear. Life just isn't like that Kurt.

You're my person, Kurt. You're the person I can always count on to cheer me up when I'm sad. You're the person who I can always come to for fashion advice. I need you to promise me you'll help Ellie as she grows into a woman. I know Finn thinks he can do it, but he's not Superman.

This is goodbye, Kurt. I want to thank you for being my first true friend. The first friend who loved me for me and stuck with me through it all. I'll love you forever and always.

With love,

Rachel Hudson


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